Understanding EBSA: When School Feels Too Much

More and more families are finding themselves in the difficult situation where a child is unable to attend school, often for reasons that aren’t immediately clear. This experience is now widely recognised as Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA).
EBSA is different from what was once called “school refusal.” That older term implied that children were choosing not to go, when in fact the reality is very different. EBSA recognises that these children feel they can’t, not that they won’t. Their emotions; whether anxiety, fear, overwhelm, or a sense of being unsafe are so strong that school becomes too much for them to manage.

It’s important to understand that EBSA is not one single experience but an umbrella term that can look different for every child. Some children may be struggling with neurodiversity; for example, autism, ADHD, or a demand-avoidant profile. Here challenges around sensory overload, social interactions, or coping with school demands can feel unbearable. Others may be experiencing anxiety, which might be linked to bullying, separation worries, academic pressures, or simply the intensity of the school environment. In some cases, difficult experiences at home or past trauma may also play a part.

What all children with EBSA have in common is that their distress is real and valid. Their behaviour is not about defiance or laziness; it’s about survival. Understanding this is the first step towards helping them. With patience, compassion, and the right support, children can begin to rebuild their confidence, re-engage with learning, and find ways of reconnecting with school or with another community that feels safe and supportive.

In 1 - 1 sessions with young people with EBSA I can working directly with children in their homes; whether that is a home visit or online. Sometimes the most important first step isn’t rushing them back into the classroom, but simply sitting alongside them, listening to their story, hearing their perspective, and validating their feelings. What a child experiences as their reality may not always match how adults see the situation, but their feelings are real and powerful. Starting from that place of understanding is essential.

From there, gentle steps can be taken. These might look very small from the outside - such as opening the front door, joining in a short activity at home, or completing a small piece of schoolwork - but for the child, these are huge milestones. With the right encouragement and care, each small success builds confidence and begins to reopen the pathway back to school or into other supportive environments. I can work with families to help use techniques which foster gentle change and resilience as they slow expand their worlds again. As we progress we can take our sessions out into the world and I can be by their side supporting them through. I can also work with paretnparents so they are able to gently guide the child without rushing in to help.

I know from my own experience of struggling with anxiety as a child how important it is to feel that you have a choice and that your voice matters. Children need to feel on board with the journey, not pushed into it. That’s why the work is always done gently, with compassion and patience, so that they begin to believe in their own strength and resilience.

Part of this process also involves staying connected. Whether it’s keeping in touch with school, joining in with activities from home, or connecting to a wider community, it’s vital that children don’t feel isolated. Community doesn’t always have to mean school - it simply means belonging and being seen. Working with the child to see what communities they feel safe in and finding activities that bring them joy is key.

Every child’s path back into education looks different. For some, it’s about re-entering the classroom step by step; for others, it’s about finding the school or environment that best suits their needs. My role is to walk alongside them as they peel back the layers of fear and uncertainty, helping them rediscover their confidence and move towards a setting that feels safe, supportive, and right for them.

This is work I feel deeply passionate about. With the right care and the right pace, children who are out of school can rediscover their sense of belonging, reconnect with their communities, and rebuild their confidence in themselves and their future.

I have complete faith that every child has the resources within them to do these challenging things, and with practice and encouragement that they can see how strong they really are.